How love works

I wonder what it is all bout where people take the comfort of knowing that some people in the world might be reading this. Although we have not met face to face but if you have read all of my post (which I don't even dare to read my own first post) I guess you know me better than any of the real physical friends I have surrounding me. 

A lot have changed since the last post. 

I have left the old life behind me, 

I have left what used to be me, behind me too.

I am done pleasing people and accepting orders from others.

I am done with changing myself to pretend that I am someone else.

and I am glad to finally say that people who are with me now,

are really with me. 

Although I don't really know who I am and what my purpose in life is (well who really does know anyway) but I can say it is much free-er living like this. 

but this post was not meant to be about what I've become but rather at how love works.

It all starts with this phase where both of you are developing feelings for each other and think that you might have a thing for each other.

At this phase, it is totally up to you, if you wanna show who you are or who he/she thinks you are.

It is very important, because as everyone says "you want them to love you for who you are" 

if you are portraying a persona at this phase and you do end up together, how long can you keep this persona up? 

So at this stage both of you are still trying to figure out each other. 

some might take it slow, like go on a few dates 

some might take it real fast, like bang it out first and go official and then take the time to figure each other out.

so either way, both of you are still fresh in this newly developed human relationship.

There are lots of things that both of you are considering, like...

compatibility, communication style, characteristic, personality, sense of humor, interaction level....

and such

so the common symptoms of those would be...

constant texting, going out, video communications, phone calls, late night meetings (which includes texting, calling and many more), having butterflies, putting extra effort for the date (to bring out what kind of person you want your date to think you are)

all these are curiosity of this new found interest

so soon after that both of you agree to be "official" so to say have the label boyfriend and girlfriend.

and then you realized the texting frequency gets slower, calls are less frequent, dates become just lunch and dinner or doesn't even show up on time, birthday surprises are just calling to wish you and no more reminders of 100-day anniversaries. 

this is where problem arises, one of you might think that your partner is putting in less effort or even not interested anymore and the other doesn't think that this is a problem. 

and instead of talking it out both of you just use passive aggressive statements to hint each other because he/she told you that you were over reacting when he/she forgot a 3rd year anniversary or that he/she was just out with friends that's why they replied late.

so what has changed? just because of the label that comes along with being officially together?

well yes because along with the label it comes with responsibilities and the meaning of being officially together. in another words the "commitment". 

So before being officially together both of you are like two fish in the sea. 

Anything can happen to both of you that can affect your outcome. 

you can get caught by a fisherman, get eaten by some bigger fish, get sweep away with current...

so it doesn't necessarily mean that both of you will end up together. 

you might find some incompatibility, or you might think that you are better being friends, or he/she might find someone else, or it could be distance problems. 

there are risks there. 

so that's why both of you are trying to maximize the outcome. that is if both of you really like each other and is really hoping to somehow end up together.

so all the constant texting and meet up is to really check in with each other that both of you are on the same path. 

until you two end up officially together it is like being in a fish tank with a limited number of fish in it.

so there is no where else to run or get caught and the whole fish tank knows that these two fish is together. like how your friends and family knows your partner. 

so now the risk is not there anymore. or should I say that unpredictable risk from external cause is not there anymore. 

so now whatever that happens it is totally your own doing. while you are in a fish tank on display it is up to you to control your behavior and since you know fairly well that you are committed to someone you also know not to flirt around. 

So this is where trust comes in, in a relationship. because there is no external risk but rather all actions are choices of both of you. That is where both of you expect that you will know what you should and should not do. and it doesn't matter how much effort you put into it because if the other person wants out of the relationship there is nothing you can do about it. it's his/her/it's choice after all.