The Passion To Kill

Why are there so many stubborn people around me?

especially in the school..

if I am the principal, the school will be a graveyard..

with loads of dead people....

Well this few days,

there's a big commotion going on in the school..

i couldn't do anything accept to keep as far away as possible..

but by possible, 

i was just into that dumb commotion....

i dun mind...

since it has been a long time since i stirred things up..

so maybe it would remind me of how i got into trouble when i was a kid...

it could hook up some of my primary school memories....

well i dun wanna write much actually, 

not in a mood to write.....

i'll probably update in a few days.....

or after that girl regrets that she was born in this world....

and i assume that would be pretty fast....

GOOD LUCK TO ME!!

IF SHE DECIDED TO PLAY IT THE HARD WAY, SHE WILL BE DEAD MEAT....

BUT IF SHE WANTS TO PLAY IT THE EASIER WAY,

LIKE GET THIS OVER AND CONTINUE STUDYING THEN IT WOULD BE EASIER...

I WOULD CHOOSE THE EASIER WAY,

WELL MY EXCUSE IS I NEED TO STUDY...(not a very good excuse though cause i don't study)

WELL WATEVA IT IS...

I HOPE THAT MY BRAIN IS STILL WORKING!!

TO WORK UP SOME EVIL SCHEME....

HAHAHAHAHA....(evil laugh)

I'm With You (Avril lavigne)

I'm Standing on a bridge I'm waiting in the dark I thought that you'd be here by now There's nothing but the rain No footsteps on the ground I'm listening but there's no sound Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won't somebody come take me home It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you I'm looking for a place searching for a face is anybody here i know cause nothings going right and everything's a mess and no one likes to be alone Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won't somebody come take me home It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you

oh why is everything so confusing maybe I'm just out of my mind yea yea yea  It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you Take me by the hand take me somewhere new I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you I'm with you Take me by the hand take me somewhere new I don't know who you are but I... I'm with you I'm with you I'm with you...

Little Poem

LITTLE DROPS OF WATER

LITTLE GRAINS OF SAND

MAKES THE MIGHTY OCEAN

AND THE PLEASANT EARTH

LITTLE DEEDS OF KINDNESS

LITTLE WORDS OF LOVE

IS A START TO A PEACEFUL WORLD

Crazy People, Nice Weather

It's about midnight,

but it is raining outside.

Here i am, sitting by the window,

listening to the rain.

drip,drip,drip...

it is quite calm to hear the steady dripping of the rain drops.

calms my nerves down.

It sounds like fairytale or those movie.

but i can't beleive,

i am like looking myself from the outside of my body..

i'm sitting calmly by the window.

i may looks calm on the outside,

but my heart is thumping crazily, it's gonna jump out of my body any sec.

this is another story.

well if you wanna know,

maybe in 2 more days.

in the next post.

i was thinking about everything i did in school,

before this holiday..

i thought about tricking people,

and it came out perfect.

i dun know that my friends know i'm tricking other frens.

but i know i'm cruel or evil or mean..

but it's just fun..

And I know that it is me who got u into trouble all along.

I have no idea at all.

how could someone be jealous?

i have nothing to admire of.

no one has been envy of me.

i don't know that my friends are right or not.

but they say that someone is actually jealous.

but i have no idea what is she jealous of?

i know it sounds silly,

but i really have NO IDEA AT ALL...

i'm not that smart i know for sure.

and my results aren't the best.

and my brain just works for thinking the mean stuff.

well anyway,

since i'm the one who got you in trouble.

then maybe it is me to take the responsibility,

i think

that the main cause is that i was getting too friendly to you.

and maybe even talking to you more often.

i can sense that u don't want to chat with me.

trough sms, or msn.

so maybe you're correct.

and i will not talk to you.

even though i need some infomation about something...

i won't even talk to you with my own mouth.

i'll ask someone to help me ask.

even if i can't trust that person.

it is always better than talking to you face-to-face.

the rain is going to stop soon.

and i am going to make a PROMISE to MYSELF.

that after this rain,

i'm not going to talk to you.

i have to control myself.

I, JOY LIM HAVE SWEAR THAT I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU.

AFTER TODAY, IT IS OVER.

NO RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN U AND ME.

Everything Is Wrong 2

The things that had been bothering me started not long ago.

or maybe it was long enough to let me be fossil.

But ofcourse,

i didn't know when it happen,

because i was same as dead.

nobody even realize i wasn't there.

i was equal to dead.

i didn't bother to ask a lot about it when i saw what really happened.

when i did ask,

i tried to makes things back the same way,

but eventually i couldn't ,

i fail.

i asked, 

but it looks like lightning was going to strike on me.

things that i have seen are more hurtful than this.

i was quite sad about our friendship that turn sour.

i did have enough.

each other think about the same thing the other way.

i was in the class when i thought about all this.

it was the best time for me to sort all this thing out.

and for once i was grateful that no one came to bother me.

and at least i have PEACE N QUITE.

i hope i'm not the main cause that our friendship turn sour.

i hope i'm not the one who went to poke fire,

and made the thing more complicated.

it's not that complicated for one reason.

but i think that she have her own reason.

the reason that can't be told

i don't know whether the reason she told me is true.

but it's really getting harder for me to talk to them.

i don't know when my mouth would blurt out something that i shouldn't said.

but this is honestly enough for me.

i don't need another set of dumb problem!!

PLZ UNDERSTAND THIS PROBLEM IS BETWEEN US!

NONE OF THE OUTSIDERS BUSINESS!!!

I'LL HAVE TO WORRY BOUT THAT PROBLEM AGAIN.

AND MAYBE FOR A LONG TIME!!

I DON'T THERE TO SAY I HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE.

BUT HONESTLY I HAVE FACE THIS KIND OF DUMB FRIENDS PROBLEM AT PRIMARY SCHOOL AND KINDERGARTEN,

I HAVE GOTTEN USE OF THIS KIND OF SICK GAMES.

I DON'T REALLY TRUST ANYONE THIS TIME.

WHEN I CAME INTO HIGH SCHOOL.

I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

THE PEOPLE HERE WON'T BE THAT CHILDISH.

IT STARTED OUT GREAT.

I MADE NEW FRIENDS AND  GOTTEN QUITE WELL ALONG.

I THOUGHT THAT I HAVE FOR ONCE TRUSTED PEOPLE.

I REALLY LONGED TO HAVE TRUE FRIENDS,

TO HAVE FRIENDS THAT NO SECRET AMONG US,

OBVIOUSLY I WAS DUMB TO TRUST THAT.

I WAS PATHETIC,

I THOUGHT BACK WHILE I WAS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ALL I HAVE GONE TROUGH I STILL BELIEVE IN THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED TRUE FRIENDS. 

BUT WHEN THE SECOND YEAR STARTED,

I WAS WRONG.

THE TIDAL WAVE THAT I HAD EXPECTED ISN'T HERE YET.

THIS WAS ONLY THE START OF IT.

I DON'T EXPECT THAT MY FRIENDS WOULD UNDERSTAND MY PAIN,

WHEN I AM IN KINDERGARTEN AND PRIMARY SCHOOL.

IT WAS THE SAME.

WHEN THE 1ST SCHOOL YEAR CAME,

IT ALL STARTED GOOD,

BUT SLOWLY IT ROTTEN TO BITS.

WHEN I WAS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL IT GOT WORSE.

I WAS SENT TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE ALMOST EVERY WEEK.

FOR COUNSELING.

THE PRINCIPAL THOUGHT THAT I HAD MENTAL PROBLEM.

AND WAS THE ONE MAKING THE SCHOOL GO HAY WIRE.

I WAS BORN IN A PLACE WHERE I CAN'T TRUST PEOPLE.

I DIDN'T TALK MUCH OF THIS IN SCHOOL,BECAUSE

I DON'T WANT THINGS TO GET THIS AWFUL.

I DON'T WANT BAD MEMORIES FLOODING BACK AGAIN.

I DON'T WANT THOSE NIGHTMARES TO HAUNT ME AGAIN.....

Everything Is Wrong

It was a cloudy day. The sky was gloomy the whole day.

There was slight breeze,

but something had bothered me since u two started acting like that,

not u two,plus a lot of people are starting to go strange.

it look like it wanted to rain.

The whole day at school i look at you,

between you two, there is a tension growing.

i don't know if it's my fault.

but i 'm not sure that the cold war between u 2 will last this long.

and i'm sure it wouldn't.

when time comes by,

it will slowly separate us.

I'm doubtful that my wish will come true,

but few days ago i made a wish for our friendship to stay.

and i remember that few of my blog that wrote frens forever definitely

wasn't coming true.

i shouldn't have written the word FOREVER,

because i should have knew it all along that i was lying to myself.

I forced myself to believe that u 2 would get along.

everyone has their own character.

every characters are important role.

But today i finally was awake.

It was the last period of the day.

and the class was noisy.

i was sitting alone because the teacher had change the place.

i was depressed at first when i started sitting alone.

because everyone in the class had partner.

but later i found that there was a wide river that separated me from my friends.

i didn't know about anything that had happened to my friends.

i felt that i had lost touch with my friends.

i felt like i didn't belong.

When it was recess time,

we went to the canteen,

i tried to have a sit in the middle of my friends.

but even though i sat in the middle i still couldn't figure out what they are talking about.

and i notice that there was starting to have tension around me.

there was eerie silence that surrounded me.

none of my friends were talking.

even though the next table, they were talking quite loudly.

it could have drown our talk.

i thought that i have hearing problem.

but sadly, i didn't have hearing problem,

they were really not talking.

they were doing their own business as though they doesn't know each other anymore.

as i was saying,

it was the last period of the day.

so here i am.

sitting alone in the middle of the class.

sometimes i think that a lot of things are wrong.

like when they say center of the attraction, or

u will get attention if you are different.

but i think time have change,

people doesn't care that you are different.

i'm different i thought.

i was sitting alone while others are not.

that is a different.

and i was sitting in the middle.

that was definitely the center.

but as though i live in my own world.

nobody cared bout me.

and that's why i started thinking bout these things that had bothered me.

TO BE CONTINUE.....

I Hope 2

I hope that it doesn't end just now.

before dad bought me this computer and installed wireless,

i used to write diaries.

Just now i tried to write to my diary the things that had happened.

i wrote half in my diary,

but eventually it smeared because of my tears.

i can't hold back my tears.

i felt bad.

i thought bout the way i just acted..

and the salty tears came, and blurred my vision.

until i wrote crookedly. and it became untidy..

i tried to hold back my tears but it can't be held back..

eventually it came pouring down.

i didn't cried infront of people.

but during the camp. i was juz cryin to suit every one else.

i want them to know me as the happy,cheerfull girl.

not the depress one.

it felt good to cry.

but i felt like a baby.

so  i stop writing my diary and threw it out of the window.

then i thought of using the computer.

because i can't cry.

if i cried while using the computer, it would break.

then my dad would be furious.

so i dried my tears and started typing.

this is the second time i wrote the blog today.

i don't know why.

but then i am still crying.

i was listening to a few sad song.

but i think that the singer sang to her love.

but it was mostly the same.

for once i really paid attention to the lyrics.

it was meaningful to me.

that's why it's making me so emotional.

something has totally gone wrong to me.

i notice that i haven been crying for a long time.

feels good to cry.

i hope that my friend would still accept me.

i know that i have a bad temper.

i am still tryin.

tryin.

it took 2 whole box of tissue to dried my endless splash of tears.

i cried in the dark.

while writing my diary, i only lit the table lamp.

i let the darkness surround me..

i felt more comfortable cryin in the dark.

and i didn't want anyone to know that i was crying.

now i'm quite ok.

i think.

i thought that it was the meanest thing i could do to a friend...

i hope that they will accept my apology.

i dare not apologise infront of them.

so here:

to my frens: jy,yy,cass......and so on..

i'm sincerely sorry..for what i have said or done to hurt u all.

maybe tomorrow morning i'll have to climb out of the window to get my diary back...

i hope that my dad doesn't realise i'm still awake at the time of the day..

it's 2:24 now i better get to sleep.

i must remember to take my medication 1st..

thanks to my friend...