i think....

first of all....
i would like to say sorry for those who got scolding....
although one of them did not belong to my group...
but you are however consider my responsibility.... 
i know exactly how you all feel that time....
and i am also not having a great time...
even though i'm just temporary....
but you all are still with me.....under my umbrella....
but i'm so sorry that i didn't stood up for you all that time....
he was just so out of control....
and at that time nothing i say or do would calm him down....
so...
i will promise you all that i won't just sit there and let him keep scolding you all....
i'm really sorry for not standing up for you all that time....
i can say that i'm really pissed of that time...
and i'm sure i can't keep myself cool....
when i'm f*cking angry,
anything i say will sound rude and sarcastic....
( i think you all know that)
so just not to mess things up...
i chose to keep quite and finish him up later.....
i hope you all understand....
I CAN PROMISE YOU,
IT WON'T JUST END LIKE THIS!
THIS WILL NOT BE THE ENDING....
I MUST HAVE THE LAST LAUGH!
i will do something....
i will take this problem out and discuss it with the whole group.....
that.... 
I WILL TAKE CARE OF MY OWN GROUP AND ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY GROUP!!!
THIS IS MY GROUP, I'M IN CHARGE, AND WHEN I DON'T THINK IT IS A BIG DEAL, NO ONE CAN SAY IT IS A BIG DEAL!!!
I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU GET THIS CLEAR!
MY GROUP, MY PROBLEM, MY STYLE TO SOLVE!
I CHOOSE TO SOLVE OR NOT TO SOLVE!
AND THAT IS MY CHOICE!

and secondly,
to the guy who scolded my group.....
thanks for your concern of MY GROUP....
but....
as you know PLEASE LET ME TAKE CARE OF IT!
coz IT IS MY GROUP!!! NOT YOURS!!!
JUST TAKE CARE OF YOU OWN GROUP AND LEAVE MINE ALONE!!!
i don't wanna use the kind of words here.....
and my momma told me not to....
so i won't...
but please, if you come poking your nose in my group again....
i'll make sure you DON'T find your nose!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND??!!

feelings~

sometimes after i read them~
i feel like u think you are the one left out~
but do you know how it hurts when you talk about someone~
and i was standing there like air~~
like i'm just a ghost floating by~
i am worst than a ghost~
atleast you get scared of ghost~
but i'm just like dust....
you don't need dust but they are just everywhere~
and you say they are just useless~

after you moved away~
i feel like we are so long apart~
we don't have things in common anymore~
you talk to her~
and i don't know how~
every time~ you are with your gang,
and she's with another gang~
and i'm with my table~ just staring at it~
i fit no where~ i really don't know what you are talking about anymore~~

you say you helped her~
but when i join in~
you just say that i'm just blocking your way~

you know what?
i don't mind what you think about me~
but just tell me, okay?
tell it to me~not everybody else...
it's about me...and i'm d only one who doesn't know~~~
it's funny~

i just listen to people who are important to me~...
other than that i don't care~~
i am only responsible for what i say...
but if you are a friend to me.... if you have known me for over 3 years~
yes you are my close friend...
and as a friend i would like to know what's going on with your life~~~
i just don't know what reaction should i give...
it's not like i have emoticons to choose after listening to what you say~~~
i have just a little bit more expression than Kristen Stewart....
so please~
if you feel like i'm leaving you out~
come back in~
and if you feel like leaving me out~
please may I go in??

i guess it's ok

just trying to do something for you....
i still can't get my mind off you....
in my mind you will always be the perfect one....
well, not as perfect as i thought...
cause you are not with me...
if you are with me...
it would be just Perfect.....
i know it is wrong to see you when i'm with someone...
but after seeing you,
i know that we click....
we match....
you know what i'm saying, i know what you are trying to say...
just staring at your pictures makes my day better....
and i just can't wait to see you again....
i hope that we could just enjoy the time we spend together...
enjoy each other...
enjoy the air, the surrounding...
enjoy your voice, like the angels singing....
i'm coming soon.......
just wait... in no time.... we will see each other... just like tomorrow...

like how i have colored my boring text...
you have colored my life...
made my life more exiting...
you were always there when i needed you...
like a ray of sun after a heavy rain...
making me laugh after my whole tiring day...
you complete my day...
you are like the Ellen in my life.... 
you send me to bed with a smile on my face...

Gosh! would you just....

sometimes when you are freaking mad,
you would just wish that people just leave you alone.
but sometimes you would just hope that they come and comfort you,
and when they don't, you get even madder...
well, things like that happen.

let me tell you something i like.
i like asking people things,
when i already know the answer,
just to see if they are lying.
when i know they are lying..
i'll hate them..
and in my heart i'll keep repeating 
you freaky liar, lying your butt off like it's your butt....
anything they do starts to look annoying....
cause when you hate someone,
you automatically block them off....
well there's one friend of mine....
who is like this....

and other times,
i hate it when we're talking...
and someone ignores me...
than they turn back around and asks:" are you talking to me?"
no.... i'm talking to my pen..

i always hope that people would just be them...
and not some fakers.... 
i don't be friend with you cause you are cool or rich or pretty...
you are my friend cause you are just as silly as me..
i don't care if you are black, white or beige,
gay, straight, bi, Lesbian, or transgendered 
as long as we click..
you are my friend..
you just have to be yourself.....

cause babe you were born this way!!!

Today is the day

What if you were just there?
What if you were always the one?
What if there was hope~
But we lost it?
You killed me~
And made me the worst kind of all~
I'm never afraid of anyone~
But now I'm afraid of myself~
What are you?
How can you make me be afraid of myself~
When I'm not even afraid of anyone~
I never knew it was you ~
But you were there all along~
Just try to killed me~
Just one look from you~
I just felt that it was you ~
But you never showed a thing ~
Until that day, they told me~

nothing is wrong!!

nothing is wrong with me!!
and stop commenting that you are straight or bi~~
it's non of you f*cking business!!!!
i choose what i want~
and i like it!!!
i know i'm not famous or whatever~~
but if you are a friend you would support....
it is not like it's you who changed me~~~
it's just me who changed me~~~~~
alright!
i'm still me~~
hey and don't get me wrong~
it is not me who is gay or bi~~
just feel sad for my friend~~
we all know that long time ago~~
well i just knew few weeks ago~~
and hey! i accepted it~
she's our friend, my friend, and yours too~
get over it~ it's not your life....
and i'm not wrong for standing on her side~~
so buzz of she is better than you~~~
she's gay or bi i don't know the difference....
but atleast she has a girl friend~~~
unlike you~~FOREVER ALONE!!!!!!!

HATE TO SAY I MISS YOU

I REALLY DON'T ENJOY SAYING THIS...
BUT I KNOW THAT IT IS COMING FROM MY HEART.....
I..I... MISS YOU....
I REALLY WANTED YOU TO COME BACK....
BUT, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN....
I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND....

ANYWAY~
IT HAS BEEN A SOME REAL TOUGH DAY....
FEW DAYS AGO I GOT LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM....
NOT BECAUSE MY PARENTS LOCKED ME OR WHATEVER...
I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WAS POSSIBLE....
ELLEN WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW PORTIA GOT STUCK IN THE TOILET....
BECAUSE SHE APPLIED TOO MUCH LOTION....
AND I THINK THAT IS JUST SO STUPID...
UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO...
 I BOUGHT A NEW LOTION FROM MARK AND SPENCER....
IT WAS QUITE A GOOD SMELL...
SO I APPLIED A LIL BIT MORE... JUST A LIL BIT MORE.....
AND THEN I GOT STUCK.... TOO BAD I DON'T HAVE A DOOR THAT SLIDES...
BUT I HAVE A TOWEL...
I WIPED MY HAND CLEAN AND TOOK THE LOTION OUT....
THEN I APPLIED IT AGAIN ON THE BED... OUTSIDE THE TOILET.....
WELL NOW I KNOW IT IS POSSIBLE...
EVERY THING IS POSSIBLE UNTIL YOU TRY IT.....

THAT WAS THE STARTING....
THEN, TODAY....
SOME NEW TEACHER CAME IN....
FIRST SHE WENT TO THE WRONG CLASS...
SHE WENT IN TO THE ARTS ROOM...
I HOPE SHE DIDN'T START TEACHING IN THAT ROOM...
CAUSE THAT ROOM IS EMPTY... JUST TABLES AND BOTTLES OF PAINT....
SHE REALISES THAT... AND SHE CAME TO OUR CLASS...
STARTS TEACHING AND STARTS ORDERING US AROUND....
YOU KNOW SHE IS SO BLUR......
JUST TO MESS WITH HER...
FEW OF US CHANGE NAMES BETWEEN US...
JUST TO CONFUSE HER WHILE TAKING ATTENDANCE....
AND WE GOT SO OVER THAT I USED A BOYS NAME...
AND THAT BOY USED MY NAME....
I THINK SHE IS JUST PLAYING ALONG....
HOW CAN SHE NOT REALISE???
MAYBE I HAVE A BOY CUT HAIR......
THE LAST TEACHER CAME IN AND ASKS US TO WRITE AN ESSAY....
THE LAST TEACHER SAYS THAT SHE'S GONNA MARK IT...
AND GIVE IT BACK TO US.... THAT IS JUST TO TEST OUR LEVEL....
THE NEXT DAY...
WE HEARD SOMEWHERE THAT SHE RESIGN, NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN....
I DON'T KNOW IT WAS OUR LEVEL THAT SCARED HER....
WAS IT TOO HIGH FOR HER... WAY ABOVE HER...OR WAY BELOW???
WELL......
I HOPE THAT THIS NEW TEACHER STAYS LONGER.....
OR MAYBE WE WON'T SEE HER AGAIN TOMORROW....?
WHO KNOWS?? MAYBE IT IS OUR DESTINY..... TO NOT HAVE ENGLISH TEACHERS......

NOBODY CAN TEACH US ENGLISH....
I STILL KEEP THINKING....
WILL SHE GIVE US OUR ESSAY BACK??
OR SHE WILL KEEP IT AS REMEMBRANCE OR SOUVENIR FROM OUR SCHOOL??

WELL THIS IS AN ESSAY THAT WILL NEVER COME BACK.............