Young

No matter how old you are, there's always gonna be a little kid inside of you. 
It's your choice to decide whom to show it to.
It has been a long time sitting on somebody's lap and just feeling the warmth around you. 
Feels comforting, like there's nothing in the world that will make you move.
A sense of tenderness and care will come surround you.
The long awaited peaceful state of mind has finally come 
when I'm just sitting on a comfy sofa with the person who fits the best with what you need.
When your head can find a shoulder for you to lean on 
There is a wave of relief and calmness.
Tiredness might take over but you will surrender willingly 
When you are in such a comfort zone.
It is not everyday that you can sleep in such peacefulness, mind and soul.

^^

if you have been following this blog,

you would have realized that this blog is full of negativity.

but yet the name of the blog is called Be Happy.

The reason for not having or seldom having happy post is that,

i'm too busy enjoying the time.

every time when you are facing a difficult moment in your life

you would think to yourself that its not permanent, it'll be over soon.

and how do you want it to be over?

my way is to write a post and then forget about it.

either i'll come up with a way to solve it or it can solved itself.

but either way it ends after i write a post.

So when i'm having a good time,

i will think about the same thing too.

that it is temporary, its not gonna last long.

therefore i am gonna enjoy it to the max 

instead of writing a post about why the fuck i'm happy.

it seems like the same thing is gonna happen,

like the moment i write a post about why i'm happy,

the happiness is not gonna last.

but if you are the person who made me happy,

you will know it when you see me 

and you don't have to read about it in the post.

so, can you see that i'm happy?

stab me with a lollipop

does it make a difference getting stabbed by a lollipop compared to a knife?

most probably no. cause it is still gonna hurt. 

but the difference is it's gonna look stupid on your death certificate under the column reason of death

"stabbed by lollipop"

well there's also another difference is that when you get stabbed it seems sweet but on the other hand it still hurts like a motherfucker. 

what ever you do, never stab yourself with a lollipop.

and don't stab others with lollipop also.

All through my life, i'd rather be the one holding the knife rather than the one holding the shield. 

its better that way, so that no one is gonna hurt you.

and at any day i would have gladly stabbed that knife at anyone, not from behind cause that is a bitch move, and i only do that if i have to.

but i would have never thought that this day would come, where i'd point the sharp end at myself.

but luckily someone switched the knife to a god damn lollipop.

so it would have a sweeter touch to it. 

just fckin kill me.

untitled

is it possible that i have a phobia of happiness?

it would be such ironic that my name is Joy and I have cherophobia.

why is it so hard to believe that it is real?

probably its all inside me.

there is a feeling that when something is going the way i want or when something good is happening surely something bad is just waiting to fuck things up. 

it is a cycle. when you feel that it is bad you know that it will pass and something good will come eventually.

but it works the same way, when everything is going smoothly, surely something somewhere is gonna just pop up or waiting to screw you.

sometimes do you wonder why in the world are we even here for?

a human is born, 

forced to squeeze information by 'education',

forced to believe there is some greater force controlling us.

forced to learn things called science and skill.

for 12 years we are locked in buildings, 'useful' information shoved into us.

telling us that it will prepare us for the future.

what is the future? 

it is the time where you start to work "putting your useful information into use" in return you will get pieces of papers known as "paychecks" or "money".

all our life, we keep getting papers.

From the moment we start to form a zygote. 

parents will take "photo"

the moment we get pushed out of your mom's vagina.

there will be "birth certificate"

after years of absorbing information.

you get "Phd certificate" 

you work for a year then you get "paycheck"

then you find a partner to share that paper

and when you do, you get a another piece of paper " marriage certificate"

then until you are sick, old and die 

there's "death certificate"

all our life we keep getting certificate to acknowledge what we do.

what for?

even when we die, we are still collecting papers.

so why are we even here in the first place?

it is a cycle. since our ancestor.

are we here for a reason?

what is the reason?

 

never thought so

i have never thought that i would be torn between this sort of shit storm.
not all the girls can have a guy playing guitar and singing for her.
well i got it, and i didnt even ask for it. i thought i never wanted it.
but when you get it, the feel is different.
i will not fall for this shit again.
everything changes when you are together.
he stops giving a shit, not appreciating and understanding.
you start to wonder what happen and start to question each move.
like nothing matters anymore, you are not the interest any more. 
you are gonna be stupid if you think that you will be the one crying your eyes out when you loose him.
when in actual fact he doesn't even give a shit.
to tell you the truth, it seems like we are a better match.
do you know that feeling? 
when you go to an event and people think you are just somebody. 
but in actual fact you are not, you are a Somebody.
so you were talking and mingling around, then that big shot came and talk to you in a caring way.
so you get that curious look. like who the hell is this girl? and why did the big shot was so caring to her.
well, that is the feeling not everyone can get, and even get a personal performance before the show.'
how many girls can have that.
to think about it. among all the guys. they did a lot more than what you ever did.
its good to have someone in the same interest. you'll never understand.

Cry your fckin eyes out

There will always be a point in your life that you will have to cry your eyes out.
At that moment you will think that is the worst part of your life.
The most suffering part. But try looking past that part.
If what you see is more suffering, then you might as well just end it here and now.
What's the point of struggling.
You dare not let go because of the memories you have.
You are afraid that it might not be the same as before.
Well stuff you think that is important or happy.
Might be different from what others think. Even the closest person to you.
Stuff that matters the most to you. Might not be the same as other people.
Happy memories of yours might not be theirs.
What you think it's priceless memories
People might think it's just one of those days.
Stuff you care about most
Is not what they care about
Evryone has their priority
But what's sad is that they are your priority, but you are not theirs.

its gonna end, i knew it

Things that lasts forever is either fake or untrue.
I've had enough of the lies, the quarrels, the fights and shit.
I know it's gonna end somewhere, some time.
I knew it, but I did nothing to stop it.
I don't know what to do.
I'm just gonna lay here.
I'm letting everyone walk over me.
It does not feel good.
But atleast everything is all covered up under the foot prints on my back.
I won't show any emotions,
I won't say anything.
no doubt that deep inside my heart is already shattered into pieces.
no doubt that I have a lot to tell you.
but i know any problem can be solved by expressing your doubt.
but all problems can also start from a single word.
but all i would say is that thanks for the memories.
thanks for the love and warmth you gave.
I have not shed a tear in many years, 
not since the doctor slap my butt when i first pop out of my mom.
i have faced all the barriers in life by confronting them.
but with you,
i have shed tears of joy and sadness.
i know it is gonna end when i started shedding more tears of sadness rather then tears of joy.
this is where things end.
I don't know how we are going to continue.
I can't even stand not seeing you one day.
how can i stand not seeing you everyday?
i just feel like when you are not around me, 
i completely can't have you.
you are always playing your game and watching movie.
when will you have time that fully belongs to me?
I know you have your life.
but you can't expect me to give you everything
and not expecting anything back.

so i guess this is it.