:) :( :) :( :)

do you know that my mood actually depends on you?

i get so frustrated when you treat me coldly,

i get so sad when you just reply a 'k'.

i get so angry when you start flirting around.

but you know,

just by using a smiley face,

you can instantly put back the smile on my face.

just by talking to me,

you make my brains go crazy.

just by calling me,

even just for a short talk,

you'll put butterflies in my stomach.

just by looking at me or smiling at me,

you make my heart stop.

I love you,

but I love me more.

that is why i choose to not reply you.

i am afraid that one day,

you might not reply me,

you might not say goodbye to me,

you might not send me home,

you might not save a seat for me,

you might not put smiley faces again~

i'd rather let you think i'm the bad one.

i'd rather just let our conversations end with a smiley face.

and i'd rather let our last meeting end by you waving bye from your car.

I CANT BELIEVE IT..........

i can't believe it,

it is the last day to do my preparation for spm......

tomorrow's the first paper.

and i'm still playing tetris........

i was playing candy crush, but my 5 lives are gone....

so i went to play tetris and my energy level is also low........

so now while waiting for everything to come back

i'm writing this......

i feel bad for not studying....

but i also feel bad for studyng......

the studying actually comes from

study + dying = studying

this is kinda like maths...

so for maths revision i'm done.

talking about maths.

maths actually is the acronym for

Mental

Abuse

To

Human

so i'm done for english revision....

i'm done...

my lives and energy levels are back to normal....

so i'm going off again~~><

!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry again..

But if you hate me, then....
Well I don't give a fuck...

But there's one thing I'm really sorry about.......
I've lost the one who loves me,
And the one I love....
Well, I've cherish everything and 
I'm not gonna regret bout it....

Now I might be sorry for what I did.
After that I'm gonna be sorry for what I didn't do.....

We're never meant to be

I just know that somehow we are gonna end up like this...
It is a cycle...
People say it will be better once you get to know who they are...
But I don't think so...
The better you gt to know them,
The uglier side of them you will see....
I'd rather keep my impression on you as the sweet, mentally unstable girl...
And I'd rather still think you of the smart and selfish girl...
And you, the really active one....
But somehow, those beautiful first impression were gone.....

Anyway, I feel kinda lost lately...
I'm not meant to be anywhere...
The most comfortable place I feel is when I'm drawing.....
You say you hate to be cheated...
Who does? Nobody wants to be cheated... So think of what you did to others....
As I've said, I'd do nothing for a friend....
But I hope you appreciate it.
You say you hate people taking advantage of you,
But think about yourself, you are starting to take advantage of people too.

I've got the feeling,
People who looks weak, need more protection....
Fine, I'll be on my own... I'll protect my ass...and yours too....
Whatever, I M TIRED OF ALL THESE SHIT.

Something I call friendship

Do you ever get that feeling,
That you are always the one who care for other people
And they don't appreciate it.
I'm tired of it!
I'm tired to be to the one who's always thinking bout other people.
I'm tired to be the one who has to care about others feeling.
I'm tired to be the one who has to clean up your shit.
Who's gonna think about me?
Who's gonna care bout my feeling?

Who's gonna help me?

I wonder

Will the sun get tired bout 

he's the one always providing us warmth

And yet you ungrateful people say its fucking hot.

I wonder

Will the sun shut down totally one day

And leave us ungrateful beast to chill to death?

Tell me!

Who the fuck is gonna care bout my fucking feelings!

When you have a problem,
I gotta deal with it.
You said you don't like me doing this,
I don't do it. I stop doing it.

But now,

You still say its not enough?

What the fuck do you want me do now?

I've had enough of caring your feelings.
I am your freaking friend for gods sake.

Now what?
After I deal with your fucking problem and your feeling,
You ran off feeling fine as fuck
And leave me feeling like a piece of shit?

What kind of a fucking friend are you?

Stupid fuctards!

I'm sick of it!
From now on,
 I JOY LIM WILL NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY FCUKING THING WHICH DO NOT INVOVLES ME.
I WON'T FUCKING CARE BOUT YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS

B

Fucked up

I don't know what I'm feeling right now...
It's a mix of anger, a hint of happiness,  a sprinkle of excitement..
And a dash of sadness...
I'm not complicated... But I don't know what am I.....
I don't wanna be a regular kid.....
But I don't want complicated things...
People's mind are complicated, the things they think, and words they say and understand.
They are people who twist your words on purpose and ignore you for what they misunderstood....
The they'll come around and say : I thought you were my friend....
Well if you treat me as a friend, you would have come to me bout the problem you had with me.
And not go round telling other people bout it....
If they can solve our problem,
They can create one...
If you don't have the courage to talk to me bout our problems,
Don't say that we're friends.. Some kind of a friend you are....

Like I said,
I would do anything for my friend , as long as it does not cost my life.
I would totally be nice to you in a bad way....
But If u don't understand it, too bad.....
Guess we're not meant to be...

I have always imagined a world,
 That everyone was pure and not so complicated....
I blame the Internet sometimes......
Wen I was young, I was taught to tell the truth and not lie....
But now, I am taught that I should not put my real info on the net.....
I can't imagine educating a kid in another few years time....
What would it be?
When I was young, people actually interact...
Now, even though I wish you happy birthday on Facebook, but I still don't know you.

Because of the net (partly),
People are getting more coward...
They are afraid to face the real world and the truth....
I hate facing the truth...but It's the truth, you gotta live with it....
I can't say that I'm getting better at acting....
Because I stink at it... If I don't like you, I don't give a fuck bout you....
I just learn to stay as far as possible....
Where there are interactions, there are miscommunication.

When Things get old, people get bored, wishes get fulfilled, targets are achieved,
It's that time when you think that life's nothing but a piece of dried pizza....
It's not tasty anymore, but it'll be a waste to throw it out....
It's time to add some new toppings to it....
New target, new surrounding, new excitement and stuffs.....
I hope I can get trough it.....
I think I'm gonna be ok....

hold on!

I'm not too shy to show I love you.
I got no regret.
So if you are ready just come and get me.
but take note I won't wait for you forever.

no matter how much you say you love some one.
but you know you won't wait for them for your whole life.
you'll soon forget about her when you meet someone who loves you.

i love it when I know that I'm your whole world.
but when you start moving on, I hate it.
I just want to ask you a question,
why did you broke up with me? then you want me back?
well if you don't answer me it's ok.

but just to let you know, 
when you left me there to bleed
then you stick a knife back in to stop bleeding.
i met a better person.
but i know that nothing will last.

i'm just gonna cherish everything.
before some asshole comes around and ruin everything.
so fuck you, who said that you'll do anything for me.