strangers, friends, lovers, strangers again

what could be the saddest thing in life?
i think that losing a friend is one of it.
well,
as many people said, 
in our life, there will be people entering and leaving.
some will leave sweat memories,
and some are here to help us not to make the same mistakes.
i am happy enough that we were once friend.
but even sadder thing is that once lovers, now strangers.
those sweat memories overweight those bad moments (i hope).
all forgotten, or forced to the back of the brain. 
think about all the things you've been through,
no matter friends or lovers.
how did you met?
when did you start to notice you two were as crazy as The Joker.
the time spent getting to know each other,
the time spent brewing your friendship.
the hardship gone through to maintain all that.
suddenly, one decides to just let go.
let everything go.
then everything is gone.
you would think that your friends have forgotten you.
but in actual fact.
did you let them know how to keep in touch with you?
everyone thinks you are dead.,
and those who know you are alive,
doesn't want anything to do with you.
although when meeting face to face in a gathering,
they seem to be okay, chatting and laughing away happily,
bringing back the old times.
suddenly you'll think that, everything is okay, they are not trying to avoid you,
they are just too busy to reply your messages. 

looks can be deceiving,
people have already warned me that,
you are leaving earlier then them, they will continue the rest of the semester without your presence.
they'll soon get use to the life without your presence and will soon forget you too.
i've seen that happen to those who left before me.
their names were mentioned once in a blue moon, when something specifically reminded them about those who left.
one or two sentence will be about them, then their named would remain buried until next time someone mentions something related to them and their name might or might not be mentioned too.
because their memories with us have become blurrish overtime. 

well now i guess that i'm already part of the 'dead'.

I'm all worn out

i'm tired.
i think i've had enough.
are you tired?
if so, 
what are you going to do?
just throw everything away and leave?
just leave everything behind?
just disappear?
just vanish?
who can do that?
please teach me.
i can't.
i'm tired of depending on others.
but i can't do anything for now.
i have to depend.
the only thing i don't have to depend on others,
is my happiness.
but, i'm sorry 
that is gone too.
my happiness now depends on you.
it's sad, that even the simplest thing i can't even decide myself.
you say i can.
if i can, i would've.
your presence would magically brighten my day.
no matter how moody you are.
i always appreciate your presence.
but, i don't like it,
wondering you are going to appear or not tomorrow.
others would think that we are only budding romance, nothing serious.
but, if you are seriously considering us to be together long enough...
i don't think this way is going to work.

you have been my ups for this mere few months of us being together.
i honestly have not felt this much joy ever.
and i honestly didn't know i could feel this much disappointment and pain.

it is sad 
but yet at the same time comforting,
to know that i'm not totally cold blooded.

but sometimes it is better to be cold blooded.