I'm all worn out

i'm tired.
i think i've had enough.
are you tired?
if so, 
what are you going to do?
just throw everything away and leave?
just leave everything behind?
just disappear?
just vanish?
who can do that?
please teach me.
i can't.
i'm tired of depending on others.
but i can't do anything for now.
i have to depend.
the only thing i don't have to depend on others,
is my happiness.
but, i'm sorry 
that is gone too.
my happiness now depends on you.
it's sad, that even the simplest thing i can't even decide myself.
you say i can.
if i can, i would've.
your presence would magically brighten my day.
no matter how moody you are.
i always appreciate your presence.
but, i don't like it,
wondering you are going to appear or not tomorrow.
others would think that we are only budding romance, nothing serious.
but, if you are seriously considering us to be together long enough...
i don't think this way is going to work.

you have been my ups for this mere few months of us being together.
i honestly have not felt this much joy ever.
and i honestly didn't know i could feel this much disappointment and pain.

it is sad 
but yet at the same time comforting,
to know that i'm not totally cold blooded.

but sometimes it is better to be cold blooded.