After looking through my old posts,
There is a one year gap suddenly.
But I do realize a trend.
Most of my post are about how I don't feel like I fit in to any groups and being left out
Till now I still can't figure out why.
Teenager problems?
I guess but maybe not
I have tried changing myself to the point where I can be who ever I want depending on who I am with
till I have lost my own character.
When I finally stop pretending around people I feel that we are totally different and I start to drift away
and that leads to them not inviting me for shits.
I am not odd for not being able to mix with people.
I just don't know why it takes so much effort for me to socialize around.
and I don't know when will all those quotes about friendships apply to me.
I'm just tired of making friends and thinking we can really be friends
then it turns out they were just pretending to be your friends
and they secretly hate your guts
I'm really tired of trying to find for people that can clique and worrying bout how they will see you.
#teenagerprobs
Monday, February 12, 2018
TRAITORS!
I wish this was a lie or a prank but I know very well it is not
I know we have grown apart after I left high school
I have my life but I never stopped wondering what happened to you all
I know things have changed after I left high school
and it was for the better
but I really don't know why it had to change this way
I wanted to ask what was it that I do to make you all react this way
but I didn't want to ask during the gathering because things would go awkward or sour
I really wanted to ask and to know what is wrong
I wanted to convince my self that you all still matter to me
but clearly with this incident I know where I stand
and no matter how important you all matter to me
I am a nobody to you.
I have passed through the phases of betrayal
Denying that I have been betrayed and you all went behind my back for god knows what reason
Angry about you all for intentionally leaving me and being so open about it to other people but at the same time keeping me in the dark
I guess you could say that if I don't even know that I am being left out without other people telling me so it could be that I don't really care enough to be in the group??
The revenge phase, I have tried to come up with revenge plans but so far nothing came up its like I am not even trying.
I know it is childish to posted passive aggressive messages to anonymous people and trying to be mysterious about it. but what I am doing now is nothing different.
I know you all have access to this blog but I highly doubt you all would see this post cause I am sure you all have forgotten there is a whole other language besides Mandarin.
But I guess after venting here I have come to a resolution.
It is that I value all the times we had together and I understand what is gone is gone and I won't dwell on the past.
Everyone has matured (well atleast I have so that I could stop all this childish shit) and we all have our own lives to deal with I would not bother to find out what happened that caused you all to do what you all have done.
I know we have grown apart after I left high school
I have my life but I never stopped wondering what happened to you all
I know things have changed after I left high school
and it was for the better
but I really don't know why it had to change this way
I wanted to ask what was it that I do to make you all react this way
but I didn't want to ask during the gathering because things would go awkward or sour
I really wanted to ask and to know what is wrong
I wanted to convince my self that you all still matter to me
but clearly with this incident I know where I stand
and no matter how important you all matter to me
I am a nobody to you.
I have passed through the phases of betrayal
Denying that I have been betrayed and you all went behind my back for god knows what reason
Angry about you all for intentionally leaving me and being so open about it to other people but at the same time keeping me in the dark
I guess you could say that if I don't even know that I am being left out without other people telling me so it could be that I don't really care enough to be in the group??
The revenge phase, I have tried to come up with revenge plans but so far nothing came up its like I am not even trying.
I know it is childish to posted passive aggressive messages to anonymous people and trying to be mysterious about it. but what I am doing now is nothing different.
I know you all have access to this blog but I highly doubt you all would see this post cause I am sure you all have forgotten there is a whole other language besides Mandarin.
But I guess after venting here I have come to a resolution.
It is that I value all the times we had together and I understand what is gone is gone and I won't dwell on the past.
Everyone has matured (well atleast I have so that I could stop all this childish shit) and we all have our own lives to deal with I would not bother to find out what happened that caused you all to do what you all have done.
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