We are unique

its almost 5 in the morning. Yes I know I should go to sleep, or take a snap in the dark with the time showing 5:37am to show everyone how I am not asleep yet.
He told me I was a pessimist in life and therefore stayed till 5 in the morning to show me how unique we all are. And because of his experience I think that he is just curious that wether they would end up banging or not that's why I kept trying to make him see why only this "what if" is bugging him.
But either way, I am still glad that he is who he is now. Although I don't know who he was previously. Well I don't know about me and I would love that somebody could tell me.
Since young, I already know that I don't really fit anywhere. And I don't need to fit anywhere. But I blame all this on the theory of  'everyone is unique'. I am sure that there are a bunch of you guys feeling the same. Like you don't fit anywhere, like you don't belong, like what the fuck are you even doing here. Because everyone is unique, grouping is basically non existence. You could feel like you fit into many different groups but not truly belonging to any of them.
I know that many of you teenagers or even adults don't even know why you are here. Just cause your parents were horny one night. Well I know my purpose, I am born after my grandad died, to keep my grandma occupied, to keep her mind off of her spouse. But what happens after my grandma died? What is my purpose now? You could say that is good that I have a purpose in life, it would be sad to not have any purpose. But it would also be good that you are not just living for somebody. What is the thing that keeps you going?
You could just disappear and life would continue, maybe people would take a day or two for ur funeral but then life goes on.
Some people spend their whole life wondering why, what's the reason behind. Not everyone can leave a mark in this world.
But I do appreciate you trying to make me feel unique. We do have this urge to compare with people around us. But I do love it when you tell me that I am soemthing different from your exs. It helps. But that won't solve the big problem. Yes I know many of you are gonna tell me that 'your future self will tell you everything's gonna be alright'
But I can't stand that. Suddenly you wake up and I'm not here. Things would still go on as usual.
You don't have that big impact. Even if you are some big shot, you die then you die. World goes on. Falling things will continue to hit the ground. Yes yes I know that my name is Joy and I should be fucking joyful n cheerful, full of like and glowing sunshine.

Everyone is unique, there is no uniqueness now.

Well, Fuck you too!

Heads up, swearing level: fucking high

choose to continue reading at your own risk, if you can't handle that first line I suggest you to fuck off.

Looking back at my old blog post, I saw the point of my life where it forced me to change to what and who I am today. 

In one of the blog post I made a conclusion that boys only like girls who act cute and small.

and I was quite pissed off about that. And what sort of boys used 2-3 years to impress a girl and finally date her just to win a fucking bet?

But till now, I still stand firm on my conclusion. Yes, only BOYS like those kinds of girls.

and from then on, I realised that I don't technically fit in to that category, small, cute and helpless.

But I am not exactly those strong female character. Actually I don't really know which categories I fit into.

In another post, I mentioned that only bitches will not get heart broken.

And that was when i turned into a bitch, and it's TRUE. I didn't get any broken hearts from then on. My bitch mode is like a self-defense mechanism and some stupid idiot broke it, well I hope i wouldn't have to use it again. because if I do, it's not gonna be easy breaking it the next time. I would say I was quite impressed. Not everyone can handle me. Okay fine, no one could actually handle me. 

Then there were a few other post that made me lose faith in humanity.

And the most heartbreaking post of all was the one where I started losing trust in friendship and basically everything else.

I realised that true friends don't really exist and the more people in your life the more complicated its gonna be. That's just the fucking problem ain't it? I don't do complicated.

That's why if you could just find a partner where you can trust and talk like a best friend that will definitely make your life better. 

Anyway, the whole point is, a lot of things happened in the past, it was quite eventful I would say. But most of my post were just to let me vent, curse at people and about boys and thus explaining all those tittles containing swear words.

Now it is time for me to give a fucking Grammy award winning speech.

First off, I would thank the people who have helped me through all these years, but there weren't any. All of you just brought me complaints about my attitudes and characters. Others were merely by standers giving useless and obvious remarks.
Then second of all, I would wanna say a big THANK YOU to all my haters, sluts, whores, bitches, jerks, douche (I apologize if I left any of you out, if you don't fit into any categories below, you are here) that made my life so fucking difficult and exciting. Everyday I would have something to criticize and hate about you. Even if there's nothing new, your face and the way you breath is enough for me to hate you for the next few centuries. You are the people who have kept my life interesting. 

And to the guys that I've dated, or told me that no one would ever date me. Well, you can go fuck yourself. You obviously can't handle me that's why you made such conclusion (sounds like some old virgin who thinks that they are too good for anyone lol).  I don't give a rat's ass about what you think (Okay maybe I did gave half a rat's ass since i'm mentioning bout you now). 

Finally, those that I wanted to thank sincerely are the bros, they are a bunch of assholes and retards that can do the most brainless shit at the most inappropriate time ever. You guys didn't exactly helped me in any other way, but just manage to get all of us in trouble. 

Peggy you bitch

Behind every guy who has given up on relationships is a girl who broke his heart.
Behind every girl there is a guy who has under appreciated her or never treats her right, but she still falls head over heels for him. 
Me?
My feelings have died one by one along the way when I was growing up.
One lie after another, few stupid mistakes and one broken heart.
Till you came along, I felt that it was Easter Day again. 
Slowly I felt some of my emotions coming back. 
I started feeling happy at first, but slowly disappointment and anger started creeping back into me.
As times pass, dissapointment took over my emotion during the time when we were together.
It was a blessing and a horrible curse to be able to feel again. 
How I wish that I was dead inside again.
I was less emotional, I was less angry, I was way more cool headed.
I didn't know this was actually slowly killing me over again.
How I wish I could only just feel joy and not the others.
It was impossible, till he came along and I was slowly pushing you out of the picture.
Because with him, my impossible dream became possible.
I was joyful and lighthearted most of the time.
I was so addicted to this feeling, I got hooked on and I was promised constant supply.
But I was scared of the duration of my supply would run out. 
I took quite a long time to decide if it was worth it or not.
It was worth it. Definitely worth it. 
Why should you put yourself through all this disappointment,
when there is someone who will not disappoint you?
Why should you allow him to put you second,
When someone is willing to put you before themselves?

Okay so there is actually nothing to do with Peggy.
And just to make things clear, Peggy didn't offend me.
And Peggy is a name I just made up.