its almost 5 in the morning. Yes I know I should go to sleep, or take a snap in the dark with the time showing 5:37am to show everyone how I am not asleep yet.
He told me I was a pessimist in life and therefore stayed till 5 in the morning to show me how unique we all are. And because of his experience I think that he is just curious that wether they would end up banging or not that's why I kept trying to make him see why only this "what if" is bugging him.
But either way, I am still glad that he is who he is now. Although I don't know who he was previously. Well I don't know about me and I would love that somebody could tell me.
Since young, I already know that I don't really fit anywhere. And I don't need to fit anywhere. But I blame all this on the theory of 'everyone is unique'. I am sure that there are a bunch of you guys feeling the same. Like you don't fit anywhere, like you don't belong, like what the fuck are you even doing here. Because everyone is unique, grouping is basically non existence. You could feel like you fit into many different groups but not truly belonging to any of them.
I know that many of you teenagers or even adults don't even know why you are here. Just cause your parents were horny one night. Well I know my purpose, I am born after my grandad died, to keep my grandma occupied, to keep her mind off of her spouse. But what happens after my grandma died? What is my purpose now? You could say that is good that I have a purpose in life, it would be sad to not have any purpose. But it would also be good that you are not just living for somebody. What is the thing that keeps you going?
You could just disappear and life would continue, maybe people would take a day or two for ur funeral but then life goes on.
Some people spend their whole life wondering why, what's the reason behind. Not everyone can leave a mark in this world.
But I do appreciate you trying to make me feel unique. We do have this urge to compare with people around us. But I do love it when you tell me that I am soemthing different from your exs. It helps. But that won't solve the big problem. Yes I know many of you are gonna tell me that 'your future self will tell you everything's gonna be alright'
But I can't stand that. Suddenly you wake up and I'm not here. Things would still go on as usual.
You don't have that big impact. Even if you are some big shot, you die then you die. World goes on. Falling things will continue to hit the ground. Yes yes I know that my name is Joy and I should be fucking joyful n cheerful, full of like and glowing sunshine.
Everyone is unique, there is no uniqueness now.
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